I slept through the alarm again. Guess it is back to double alarms. UGH!! Today is my appt with the physiatrist, and I don't want to be late. No vlog today!
About 4-6 days ago a spotted dove came a knocking at our back lanai. I named him Kikokiko because of his dots. He seemed hurt. We fed him and he seemed better. The next day he did this weird fly-by at the screen door and sort of body-bumped the screen several times to let us know he was here. We fed him and he seemed a LOT better. Each day he did the same, seeming better every time. I feed him on the second day from my hand. The next day I was able to actually pick him up in my hands and put him near the food dish. He let me pick him up twice.
Today we found what was left of him. One of Nohea's little boyfriends (she has two) came and found Kikokiko. I guess he wasn't well enough to be as vigilent as bird should be. Poor little Kikokiko. :( I KNOW all about the circle of life but I just do not like it in th I had another rough night. It wasn't so much pain filled (although there was some pain) it was more that I couldn't really rest. Just tossing and turning. Then every time I turned, it would cause my hip/leg/knee to zing and it would take a few minutes to find a position to get comfortable in again.
I'll probably vlog much later today after I've gotten my late afternoon nap. I filmed a recipe this morning, so whenever I have that converted and edited, I'll load that. Today marks 7 years since Kaimana's death. After a horrible week's worth of going back and forth to the vet and finally coming to the realization that there was nothing we could do to save him, and putting aside, FINALLY, my selfishness of wanting to have him just a day longer, I decided to put him to sleep. How I loved that boy. I had him for 18 years. He was a kitten from one of my sister's cat's litters. We took him and his brother (Hoku) in when they were old enough to ween away from their mama.
I think I cried every day for three months after that. I have his ashes sitting here right next to my feet, as a constant reminder of him being near me. I think that he is the reason why I so closely watch Nohea's every move and she goes to the vet for every little sneeze or twitch. Last night I woke up when Nohea left my side. It was 12:41 a.m. and I woke up thinking of my little Buddha-saur, my pet name for Kaimana. It was a crazy overwhelming sense of him. I stayed up for about 30 minutes after that and wondered why he would pop into my head like this and realized it had been 7 years since he passed and he was probably letting me know he was okay :) I love you my little grey boy. I always will. I forgot to say in my vlog today that I wrote my doc yesterday and she said that the pills can go up to 3600 mg and I am only at 300 mg. So..the end of the pain may be as soon as 60 days. Maybe. Slow titration is the name of this bloody game. She said that when this lot of pills is gone (30 days), she will increase me to 300 mg pills from 100 mg pills. My guess is that she will have me do three days at 600 mg .. maybe more .. and then do another slow move up to 900 mg and see how that works. I KNOW we have to go slowly, but it's moving way too slow for me. I would love so dearly to be able to sleep without fearing that if I move I'll set off another round of pain spasms.
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AuthorI was either born a century too early...or two centuries too late. Archives
December 2010
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